Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Are you single? Celebrate your single hood!

In spite of the fact that women are strong and independent beings; who no longer need a man to fix a night-bulb, they still seem to have a common question to dodge. All the well-wishers, friends and relatives seem to have read the same questionnaire and has only one answer they seem to be interested in, which is, “Are you (finally!!) seeing someone?” If the said question comes from an attractive male, you might still feel flattered. But when you get that question from all the attached, “basking in the glory of their married lives”, category of friends and well-wishers, you almost feel like banging your (or is it theirs?) head. This is the 21st century, folks, gone are the days when women needed men to hunt food for them, now they can hunt their own from the supermarket.

If you fall into the category of being single and loving the feel of it, don’t be afraid to toss your new-found glory on the faces of your gloating ‘attached’ friends. And for the ones who have just come out of a relationship and wondering how to live the rest of your life alone, don’t, because there is more to life than just living it for somebody else. Being in a loving relationship is a very beautiful experience, for those who have it; but since “happily ever afters” are on the verge of becoming extinct just like the Bengal tigers, you should enjoy the next best thing; which is single-hood.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Divorce: Getting the right advice

Going for a divorce is probably one of the toughest decisions one makes in life. But when you have tried everything to make your relationship work and there is no other option left, you need to take that hard decision. Sometimes it is better to let go of a relationship which has no future and happiness than to hold on to it. It will only make life miserable for everyone involved and not give you a chance to open yourselves to other prospects.

The process of getting a divorce is a painful experience, and one that you will probably never want to go through in the first place. But when the time comes, you will need to obtain the best legal and other advice to help you get through the process in a fair and simple manner.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

8 tips on where and how to meet single men

Recent statistics from surveys conducted in the United States have shown that it is more difficult for women over 30 to meet single men, than for men to meet unattached women of the same age bracket. The men that women of that age meet, are either married, engaged or gay. While it might be true that it is difficult, but it is certainly not impossible, to meet single men, provided you are willing to make some effort. Nobody has the time to wait for Mr. Prince Charming to come and sweep them off their feet and women are ready to go looking for Mr. Average instead. The only question is where are they looking and how are they getting the right ones when the others are not?

You can hardly expect to find the man of your dreams when travelling in the subway, although that do sometimes happen. But instead of waiting for your dream man to cross your path at some point of time in the future, isn't it better to take some positive action and go to those places where they are likely to be? Or to devise the means which will make it more probable for you to meet someone then sitting in the weekends watching your favorite sitcoms? So, if you are all geared up to meet the man of your dreams, here are the eight best ways and places on how and where to meet the most eligible men, both in your town and outside.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

4 things to remember before having a baby

To become a parent is one of the best experiences in life, but there are also a lot of complications to face, especially if you are unprepared.You might have heard from the elders and the experienced that having a baby and being a parent is the most natural thing in the world. If you believe them, it is almost like climbing a tree, it comes naturally to you once you start doing it. But the truth is a little more complicated than what they tell you.
If you become pregnant unexpectedly, you and your partner might decide to keep the baby, but to go for the option without talking about it will only make things difficult in the future. It is absolutely okay to decide to go for a baby after you discover being pregnant, but to bring in a child into this world without even thinking if you are ready to have a baby or not, is not a right decision. Here are a few things to help you be prepared for a baby.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

How to get rid of shopping addiction

Let's admit it, if you are a woman and if you love dressing up, the shopping bug has bitten you more than once. If you have watched "Confessions of a shopaholic", you'll appreciate the problems which can arise from too much shopping. 
The ecstatic consumer market has profitably cashed in on this madcap shopping trend, and so now you will find that instead of your everyday needs, the front rows of the shopping aisles are loaded with expensive, attractive and absolutely non-essential stuff. Even if you can resist buying these eye-catching items on your first trip, you will ultimately succumb to the lure of the bright packaging, unless you are very strong-willed.
If you fall under the category of a compulsive buyer, by now you are worried with the state of your depleting savings. Compulsive shopping is nothing but an addiction and like all addictions, shopping also is expensive. Fortunately, there are ways to help get rid of this obsession, some of which are listed below.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

What men want in a woman?

With the changing times, the idea of what a man wants in a woman has also undergone a drastic change. Modern men want a very different category of women, compared to what is usually depicted in chick flicks and romance novels. Gone are the days when the rich, handsome hero was mesmerized by the helpless, shy fragile girl and enchanted by her shyness. It’s a different story now, so read on to decide for yourself if you prefer the modern times to the past generations. That said, tastes and choices of men might vary and no offence to anyone who disagrees to my views.

Monday, September 22, 2014

10 movies of unconditional love which made us cry

People like to watch movies for relaxation and fun, but weepy romantic movies still manage to make the top lists. It proves that we are always moved by strong emotions. Below are my 10 favorite tear-jerker movie scenes, that won’t fail to make you cry, unless you are really the unemotional, strong types.

#1. Hachiko – A dog’s story

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Office Romance: Is it worth it?

Romance at the workplace might have a Mills-and-Boon ring to it, but the road to it is often filled with more dangers than you can handle. Although novels and movies are rife with happily ending office romances, reality is a different picture altogether. The temptation of a workplace affair is very intense and the opportunities are also vast, hence most people step into the landmine without thinking about the consequences. Especially, with the current work hours and dedication to one’s career, people tend to spend more time in the workplace than anywhere else; hence the chances of office affairs are fairly high. But the truth is these few days of romantic interlude may end up costing you more than what you bargained for.
Even though one might argue that there are many live examples of happy office romances which have not had any sinister after effects, but unfortunately those are very few and far between. Without belittling those who have found happiness through the workplace, the ratio of failed romances however is much higher compared to the successful ones. In most cases, office romances lead to disastrous results with lasting repercussions. After the entire episode is over, you will probably be left wondering if it was all worth the pain and effort. So, if you are in the verge of falling into the honeyed trap of an office affair, you might consider these facts first.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Top signs that you are dating a married man

Dating, flirt  and romanceWith the advent of social networking sites and the literally virtual online dating communities, the concept of finding the right man has undergone a radical change. Gone are the days when we used to fall in love at first sight and have deliciously long courtships. Those days have now been replaced with blind and online dating where one is virtually dating a stranger. The dangers and risks involved in dating an unknown person are manifold, the least of which could be that he is already married. It is not unknown for women to have been duped by a married man who sweeps them off their feet with their charm and yet manage to lead a completely normal family life at home. We might expect to get an honest answer when we ask a guy if he is married, but some of them are experts at lying without even blinking. 

One might feel like a fool to have been taken for a ride by such men but the fact is that these men are experts at maintaining their fa├žade and besides, if one is in love, it is natural to turn a blind eye to a lot of things we would otherwise question. So, rather than calling yourself all kinds of a fool, you can instead rejoice at the fact that you are no longer associated with the person and are now better equipped to identify the signs. Here are some telltale signs that you might be dating a married man and if it is time to do some proper digging.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

5 ways to turn your monster-in-law into a loving mother-in-law

The horror stories which we have heard about mother in laws all around us, seems to have clouded our vision about them. We hate to admit it; but these perceptions that we have built in our minds always seem to hover somewhere in the vicinity of all newly married women. And when a woman enters into a new family she somehow has already made an impression about the mother-in-law and which clouds her own sense of fair judgment. There are very few women who have actually entered into a relationship without forming assumptions about their husbands’ mothers and the few who have done so; are the only ones to have maintained a cordial and successful mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship.

Another sad fact is that some mother-in-laws seem to have also heard the same stories and which probably makes them feel that they have an image to live up to. And hence there comes an initial barrier from her side as well. This doesn't help in appeasing the fears which have already taken house in the mind of a new daughter-in-law. However, even though it might seem to be an insurmountable problem at first, there are several ways to break the ice and start on a good footing with your mother-in-law and have a healthy and happy relationship with her; without compromising your own happiness.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Adoption as a single parent: Some do's and dont's

Adopting a child is a long term process which requires a lot of sensitivity and contemplation on the part of parents who are opting for it. And when the parent involved in the adoption happens to be single, it becomes even more of a delicate matter. Although nowadays, it is quite common for single women to opt for adoption, it still remains a challenging and sensitive task.
Undoubtedly, it is a very rewarding experience, but as a single mother, it requires a lot more dedication and extra effort because of several reasons. There are however, several measures one can take to make the whole experience of adding someone special in your life a very unique and beautiful one. 

Monday, July 7, 2014

7 Strong Reasons to get married

                                                 Wedding at park     

                                                      In the current world of female empowerment and gender equality, women are somehow losing interest in the institution of marriage. It might be that in this modern era, they have suddenly realized that there is more to their lives than procreation and furthering of a lineage. The new-found financial and moral independence among these new breed of women has somehow led many of them to venture into the world of single-hood. Somehow the stifling impediments of matrimony and the restricting life of a wife have lost its appeal. In fact many women are opting to be single parents than to be burdened with the woes of a married life. 

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Little things about love....

The other day I was having lunch with my friend and as women generally do, we soon arrived at the topic of love. She is currently in a relationship which was of a few months old but she had already started experiencing the uncertainties and qualms which usually plagues us in the later stages of a relationship. The thought about the future was giving her Goosebumps and the fact that she gets easily bored within a few months into a relationship was giving her nightmares about the security of their future.

Friday, June 20, 2014

6 graceful ways to reject a guy

All of us get a couple or two (there's no end limit) proposals during our lifetime and most often these will be from guys we don’t want to date. The best way is to gently and politely state that you like the person but you are not romantically interested in him. Some of us are fortunate enough to know the trick of saying “no” easily and without the feeling of guilt arising in us, but some of us are not so lucky. 
Some women really find it difficult to say “no” to anyone and if that person happens to be a good friend, then it becomes even more difficult. We might be fearful to hurt the person, afraid to lose their friendship, scared to appear like an arrogant princess or some other inane or not so inane reasons. Some of us even agree to go out with them just because we don’t know how to say “no” and which leads to disastrous results.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

5 downsides of avoiding conflict

It is quite inevitable to have conflicts and clashes in a relationship. Although at such moments of conflict we might feel that we are the only ones to have so many issues; but in reality it is fairly usual to have disagreements and arguments in all kind of relationships. After all, we are two different set of minds and there are bound to be differences of opinion. And it doesn't mean that there is something wrong in our relationship, in fact it is quite healthy and can prove as an opportunity for growth for both the partners.

But it is understandably difficult to sometimes handle such situations and one might feel that avoidance is the best course of action. At times, we feel that the best way to handle a conflict is to avoid or ignore it altogether. Although we might feel that avoiding the situation will resolve it on its own, but on the contrary it has the tendency of developing into a much bigger problem. And when that happens, we might find that it is even more difficult to handle the problem. There are many downsides to avoiding conflict and a myriad of problems might occur as a result of such avoidance. Here are a few things we should consider before we decide evading is the best way to resolve relationship issues.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Living Together: Working it out

  "Bliss is when we are together...
                                          So why not have the bliss forever" by Bhaswati 

Living together has become an ideal and preferred arrangement for most couples in a long term relationship, in fact even more so than marriage. Couples find it an economical and practical decision and also take is as a trial run to check their compatibility with each other. Although it might sound a win-win situation for both the parties, but there are also certain downsides associated with this kind of an arrangement, especially if you are used to your space and independence. Some men find living together to be too domesticated and others might find it too constricting and claustrophobic. Men might foresee living together as a situation where their valued independence flies out of the window.

It is however not too difficult to overcome the downsides and make it an enriching experience for both the partners. Moving in together could be a fun experience, provided you are open to certain changes and also if you have discussed the nitty-gritty of the arrangement. The idea is not to rush into anything hasty but make an educated and calculated decision.  

Take off the rose colored glasses: Moving in together is a big decision and requires a lot of maturity and understanding from both the sides. If you are getting into this arrangement with blinders on; hoping to find happily ever after without any glitches, than you need to think again. Living together has less romanticism attached to it than the practicalities of life. It means sharing the hurdles of life together and to get to know how you both fit in with each other through all the stages of life. Although there is a certain kind of romance attached to the fact that you get to be with each other all the time, but that same fact can become a thorn at your side after a certain period. So, you will need to think about this decision practically, instead of romantically.

Decide your boundaries: If you want to live with your girlfriend and at the same time have a little male space of your own, it is better to make it clear in the beginning. A house is usually dominated by the women in the family and you will see traces of their presence everywhere. So, if you are used to only seeing your electronic paraphernalia lying around your living room, then it might come as a shock to see girlie magazines and a potted plant lying there instead. You will need a personal space to brood alone and do whatever men are used to doing in their own space, and which will become a little difficult after you move in. So, set the ground rules beforehand and you will have much peace later.

Keep the romance alive: 

It is difficult to have the same kind of intensity and eagerness in a live-in relationship that what you usually have when you are dating the person you are really smitten with. You will not have the same kind of anticipation that you earlier had; when looking forward to your dates, which is quite natural. It is therefore more important to make an effort to keep the romance alive when you are living together. You should think of ways to surprise your girlfriend by planning something nice, once in a while. You should also take advantage of the fact that you are staying together and get to know each other even better. The fact that you have the time and opportunity to make love should not make you feel less passionate. You should explore each opportunity to get more close to each other.  

Be independent but act responsibly: Living together does not have to mean that you are staying in a prison but at the same time it means your carefree and irresponsible days are over. If you are used to staying out late at night without informing a soul then you will need to change that habit because you are staying with your girlfriend. Living together makes you both responsible for each other and because you have taken the step of moving in, it means that you are mature enough to take life on a more serious note. It doesn't mean that you have to curtail all your activities, that are something that you will need to discuss with your girlfriend, but it certainly means that you have to keep her informed about your whereabouts. It is not about losing your independence but about being accountable to the person you love so that she does worry unnecessarily.

Define your space: It is easy for your life to become too reliant on each other when you are living together and this becomes detrimental for both you and your partner. You should be close to each other but at the same time have your own life to live. You should not be living out of each others pockets or have a dependent relationship with each other. It is important to meet and socialize separately and have that personal time without your significant other being present all the time. This does not mean that you don’t love each other anymore, in fact staying apart and having your own time and space will ensure that you have stronger feelings for each other.

Talk it out:

Image courtesy: gettyimages

If you have made the decision of staying together, you will need to sit together and come to a mutual agreement about the arrangement. It is easy for the girlfriend to get carried away with her plans; which usually happens, leaving the boyfriend struggling to find his bearings. If you are feeling the same way about the decision, then maybe you should postpone it for sometime till you get your feelings sorted and arrive at a mutual consensus. It is important to discuss even the smallest of things and get any unpleasant disagreements out of the way. This way, you can also avoid the small bickering and blaming game which comes later in the relationship.    

Like any other relationship live-in has its own pros and cons but with a little care and effort it can prove to be a rewarding and enriching experience. 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Poetry.....some more poignant thoughts....

Top post on, the community of Indian Bloggers
poetry : Vintage letter concept

Broken dreams...

Yesterday, I picked up a shining metal,
While walking down the shore;
Happily thinking it to be a precious jewel
And clutched it to my core
I kept it close to my bosom and traveled,
Towards my destiny;
But when I thought I had reached,
The end of my journey;
I opened my palm with a smile, which died,
When I discovered;
The jewel was but an ordinary stone,
And all my dreams shattered!


Departure...In  memory of my dad

You were like a tree, shading me from the sun,
Or a rainbow, splitting the colors of life in my bosom;
When I felt your warmth in the cold of the dawn;
For a moment I forgot that you were gone.
Last night you came to my dreams
And rubbed my tear stained cheek.
You murmured a few words of comfort
I went back to sleep with a smile on my lips.
But when I woke up in the morn,
There was no one beside me, except
The cold emptiness of the dawn


Wistful ramblings....

I feel that I have lost you; when I see;
the way you turn your back on me;
Holding out your hand to her for a dance,
you walk away without a second glance.
My heart breaks into a thousand pieces;
I look at them and see your broken promises,
Today, you might be happy without me,
But I know you cannot bear the agony.
A day will come when you need me the most
You will search for me in vain, and realize what you lost.

Poetry - the tuneless songs from deep inside the heart...

To find myself…..
One morning when the sun shone the brightest,
I got up from a deep slumber and felt bereft..
Wondered what was missing in life…who is absent.
The appendage called heart remained silent.
I lumbered off on a quest to discern the purpose of life
Or on a voyage of self-discovery as the wise would say.

Sat for a few hours beneath the banyan tree in my backyard,
Only truth I discovered ..mosquito bites in the day..are also hard.
Mind said -Why not sail across the oceans and beyond?
Or seek divinity from a guru, all enlightened and saffron-clad?
Set off again for the distant shores with images of a new self;
Glorified in tranquillity and basking with new found serenity.

Spent a divine summer chanting mantras and singing hymns
Lost in the pleasant aroma of incense and also ganja at times,
Found a lot of virtues hitherto unknown – patience, tolerance and
Reigning supreme was the feeling of profound peace and freedom.    
But mystery of self remained unsolved, hence made a last effort;
To seek the truth from my guru- the one who has discovered All.

Saffron clad and sitting in the midst of his ardent followers,
He was amused at the question which I barely whispered.
He gazed at my curious eye for ages and then beckoned me near
Laying his hand on my head he said “Love, child, love is why you are here.”
The fog lifted and the light shone through, I smiled and bade him adieu;
And set out to spread the message of love to all, starting on a life anew.   

A heart’s folly....
Oh, this foolish little heart of mine,
Hungry for the love of a deserter;
Craves the touch of the cold one;
Who has nothing in him to spare!

I try to tempt this errant traitor,
And lure it to other pleasures;
But all it can hear deep within,
Are his treacherous whispers!

At times it makes merry and smiles,
I will sigh with relief that it is past;
But alas! The clouds come down again,
And brings the rain of tears at last!
Lovely will be the dawn when I can;
Leave all his memories behind.
Lovely will be the morn when I will;
Wake up without his thoughts in my mind.

Tonight I will cry....

I will shed copious tears, it will be a funeral tonight;
A blazing pyre of the accident called life;
I will wet my pillow; carefully recollecting past strifes.
But it will be the last time.... for I am bidding goodbye.

I might howl at the moon and cry out to the sky,
I might beat my chest and raise a big hue and cry.
Anything seems possible, its such a maddening night
Thoughts of soul-wrenching sobs brings out a strange delight.

I will lie eagerly in my bed; awaiting the lights to be go out,
When shrouded by darkness, i will  gather all my wounds;
I will bring forth the memories which are most painful;
And the tears will rush out and pour down, tearing my soul.  

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Surviving an affair...

When one indulges in an affair and thus breaks the trust and faith built laboriously over the years, is there really a chance that a marriage or relationship can work out? 

The answer depends on how far a couple is willing to go to forgive and forget and also how important the relationship was, in the first place. Infidelity is a very sensitive topic but unfortunately a very common one, if surveys conducted across various part of the world are to be believed. According to these surveys, 65% married/committed men cheat and 55 % women go astray. So the question of whether a relationship is going to work out after an affair remains a very relative question. 

In cases where the couple wants to work things out, they need to be levelheaded about all the consequences and resulting actions. Things will obviously not run smooth in the beginning but with time and effort, it can be worked out.

For the person who has been cheated, the first feeling is of pain and then anger. But when the pain and the anger wears off and the person can start thinking rationally again, the things that are needed to be reflected upon are the importance of the relationship in one's life. What are the factors or circumstances which led to the affair? Is it a one-time occurrence or has this happened before? If kids are involved, it becomes even more complicated and things need to be looked at from their perspective as well. Also one needs to keep in mind that a human being is after all not perfect, but a new start should not be taken as a license to digress gain. Only after analyzing all these facts should the decision of either ending or salvaging the relationship should be taken.

For the person who enters into an illicit relationship, all that one is interested in, is the feeling of excitement and the adrenaline rush one feels when one lies and cheats. But once the feeling fades away, the only emotions left are shame and guilt. Even if the person is repentant and wants a second chance, one should be prepared to walk on a tight rope. The entire relationship needs to be re-built on trust and love and one should be ready for the fact that even though he might be forgiven but the incident has hardly been forgotten. The relationship has passed a delicate test and needs nurturing and care and the other person in the equation will always be wondering if you have gone astray again. But then, that is very natural, trust is something which needs to be owned and cannot be demanded.      

It requires a lot of time, patience and understanding from both the parties but before making any concrete decisions about the future all the pros and cons need to be weighed and after everything the question you need to ask yourself is, "Is it worth it?"
A Young Couple Holding Hands In The Sunset

Thursday, April 10, 2014

You can stop your divorce...if you want to!!


In the recent times, the divorce rate in a year goes much higher than the marriage rates and this ratio is definitely nothing to be proud of. Relationship experts and marriage therapists provide different reasons for this rapidly increasing demise of the institution of marriage and it gives rise to doubts in one’s mind about the sanctity of the relationship in the first place. The vows that one takes during the ceremony become so trivial that they are forgotten in a moment’s time. Is it time that we completely give up hopes on the durability of the union called marriage; or is there still something to hope for, in the future? 

These days, people are getting married and getting separated on the same day and sometimes within a few hours. Psychologists are attributing these sudden whims of the human race to low feelings of security, more independence among women and a general sense of dissatisfaction with life. No matter what the reason, the process of getting married just to get divorced seems to be an utter waste of our time, money as well as morality. Isn't it time that we give some thought to the idea of avoiding the divorce word instead of uttering it every time we have an issue in our marriages? Maybe it is time to give a hard, long look at the amalgamation of two people and why it is important to rethink our values about marriage.

Divorce can probably be avoided to a large extent if people examine their readiness about marriage first. Marriage does not only mean eternal love and happily ever after. It has a lot to do with understanding and compromises. Before giving a lifetime commitment, we should first examine if we are ready for it. Before we go ahead and take the plunge into the world of matrimony, maybe we need to ask ourselves this question, “Are we ready yet?” Because matrimony is not only an exchange of vows or two signatures in a few sheet of papers but a union of two souls, two set of ideas and two different entities. Till the time we consider ourselves ready to understand the concept of taking responsibility to uphold the sacredness of the relationship called marriage, we do not have the right to tie ourselves to the institution just for the heck of it.

Divorces happen for numerous reasons; ranging from incompatibility, infidelity, marital abuse, ego issues etc., among others. Whatever the reason might be, have you really, with an open heart considered the idea of making it work, even once, before uttering the divorce word? Is the idea of living with the person whom you chose to be your partner out of your free will, so incomprehensible that you cannot put aside the idea of living with him/her anymore? Maybe, you could give some thought to the fact that both of you are humans, with feet of clay and everyone tends to make mistakes. Instead of letting your ego make your decisions, maybe you could think about other options rather than taking the path of separation?

Many experts attribute the fact that women have become financially and morally independent to a lot of ego issues which ultimately lead to divorce. We hate men for acting superior and bossy and yet we tend to portray the same qualities in a relationship. Instead of letting our pride dictate the terms in our relationship and fighting over petty issues of finances and superiority, maybe we can learn to just let go and enjoy the glory of being with someone we love and can share our life with? No one is asking the women to be doormats, just malleable and open to understanding. After all, it is not fair to expect the men to be caring and at the next breath demand equality.

When love dies only indifference remains; and that is definitely no basis for a relationship. But if you have any feelings remaining in your heart for your spouse, even if it is hatred; that means that there is a vestige of love still present. Try keeping yourself in the same situation before putting the final nail of judgment into the coffin. The decision which you both are going to make is going to affect a lot of other people as well, especially if children are present. 

And try to remember the things which made you fall in love in the first place, are they all gone now? So it is prudent to weigh all the pros and cons once. It is easy to label a person as a sinner and equally difficult to forgive a person but we should remember that, we are, after all humans, with the tendency to make mistakes.   

Taking a rash decision in anger is easy and equally hurtful. And after acting upon your words, it is difficult for your ego to let you retract them and a relationship which had a chance of being salvaged will no longer be. Even if you want to go back at a later point of time, your pride will not let you do so. But everything is not lost even if you have hurled abuses at each other, as long as you are willing to forgive and forget and make things work again. Counseling can work wonders for your relationship and might give you a lot of insight into your marriage, which you otherwise did not have. You will also need a support network from friends and relatives and someone who is not judgmental of your failures. Getting a third party perspective on the relationship will give you a lot of leverage when you are making your decision.

As they say, “prevention is better than cure”, likewise, for marriage a little preparation and thought goes a long way in saving the relationship at a later stage. We might consider it pessimistic to go with such kind of a negative assumption of the worst, but it is actually a realistic point of view and can save a lot of pain and heartache in future.