Remember “ME”? Are we losing our own identity at the cost of a lifetime of togetherness?

A friend had once told me that it is very easy to break a relationship and equally difficult to make one. I agree with him, it takes enormous amount of patience, understanding and give and take from both ends to sustain a relationship. And especially for women, once you have spent so much time and effort to make something work, it is very painful to leave everything behind for someone else to enjoy the spoils. Likewise for men, once the initial feeling of irritation at being nagged wears off and is replaced by feelings of being taken care of, they are equally reluctant to let go. So in a nutshell we can call it being accustomed to a certain way of living.

For a woman who has been in a live-in relationship, the pressure of tying the knot is comparatively much more than a girl who is just casually going around. She will have expectant parents, siblings and relatives asking suggestively, “When is the great event?” So when you casually mention that you might not get married after all, be prepared for all hell to break loose. You will hear your mom having muffled conversations on the phone with your relatives; your brother will call you and give you a nice lecture about a woman’s ultimate goal in life. And God forbid if you have a family function to attend, you cannot excuse yourself because then you are hiding from shame and if you deign to attend than you will find laser eyes piercing your back or pitying looks from others. The worst is when you pass by and the entire brigade of (happily?) married aunts stop their conversations in the middle, making it abundantly clear they were talking about how they always knew you will turn out like this.

And then there is the fact that you have become emotionally dependent on this person who understands you in and out and can speak about anything with each other. When you think about all the nice times you have spent and the fact that this might be your only chance at finding a soul-mate you will start ignoring the niggling doubts you have and merely stick on with the relationship no matter if your values match or not.

I really admire the couples who give up their individual goals for the common good of their relationship. The fact that they are able to do so might mean that they are really in love but then if I refuse to let go of my individuality does it mean that I was never in love? I have always respected the priorities and opinions of others so does that mean that if I have my own they should be ignored just because I am a woman? At the expense of sounding like a feminist, I would still like to point out that the compromises and sacrifices are mostly made by women in a marriage. That does not mean that men are not doing it, there are lot of men who meet their spouses halfway supporting them all the way but if for some there is no meeting point what is the end? Should a person hold on to a relationship even after knowing that they are not entirely happy or should they decide what are their priorities in life? At the end, according to all spiritual teachings self love is the best love, unless you are able to love yourself you will not be able to love others. It is the best thing when a relationship works out but should one forget the “Me” in trying to be a “We”?


           
I really admire the couples who give up their individual goals for the common good of their relationship. The fact that they are able to do so might mean that they are really in love but then if I refuse to let go of my individuality does it mean that I was never in love? I have always respected the priorities and opinions of others so does that mean that if I have my own they should be ignored just because I am a woman? At the expense of sounding like a feminist, I would still like to point out that the compromises and sacrifices are mostly made by women in a marriage. That does not mean that men are not doing it, there are lot of men who meet their spouses halfway supporting them all the way but if for some there is no meeting point what is the end? Should a person hold on to a relationship even after knowing that they are not entirely happy or should they decide what are their priorities in life? At the end, according to all spiritual teachings self love is the best love, unless you are able to love yourself you will not be able to love others. It is the best thing when a relationship works out but should one forget the “Me” in trying to be a “We”?