Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Poetry.....some more poignant thoughts....

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poetry : Vintage letter concept

Broken dreams...

Yesterday, I picked up a shining metal,
While walking down the shore;
Happily thinking it to be a precious jewel
And clutched it to my core
I kept it close to my bosom and traveled,
Towards my destiny;
But when I thought I had reached,
The end of my journey;
I opened my palm with a smile, which died,
When I discovered;
The jewel was but an ordinary stone,
And all my dreams shattered!


Departure...In  memory of my dad

You were like a tree, shading me from the sun,
Or a rainbow, splitting the colors of life in my bosom;
When I felt your warmth in the cold of the dawn;
For a moment I forgot that you were gone.
Last night you came to my dreams
And rubbed my tear stained cheek.
You murmured a few words of comfort
I went back to sleep with a smile on my lips.
But when I woke up in the morn,
There was no one beside me, except
The cold emptiness of the dawn


Wistful ramblings....

I feel that I have lost you; when I see;
the way you turn your back on me;
Holding out your hand to her for a dance,
you walk away without a second glance.
My heart breaks into a thousand pieces;
I look at them and see your broken promises,
Today, you might be happy without me,
But I know you cannot bear the agony.
A day will come when you need me the most
You will search for me in vain, and realize what you lost.

Poetry - the tuneless songs from deep inside the heart...

To find myself…..
One morning when the sun shone the brightest,
I got up from a deep slumber and felt bereft..
Wondered what was missing in life…who is absent.
The appendage called heart remained silent.
I lumbered off on a quest to discern the purpose of life
Or on a voyage of self-discovery as the wise would say.

Sat for a few hours beneath the banyan tree in my backyard,
Only truth I discovered ..mosquito bites in the day..are also hard.
Mind said -Why not sail across the oceans and beyond?
Or seek divinity from a guru, all enlightened and saffron-clad?
Set off again for the distant shores with images of a new self;
Glorified in tranquillity and basking with new found serenity.

Spent a divine summer chanting mantras and singing hymns
Lost in the pleasant aroma of incense and also ganja at times,
Found a lot of virtues hitherto unknown – patience, tolerance and
Reigning supreme was the feeling of profound peace and freedom.    
But mystery of self remained unsolved, hence made a last effort;
To seek the truth from my guru- the one who has discovered All.

Saffron clad and sitting in the midst of his ardent followers,
He was amused at the question which I barely whispered.
He gazed at my curious eye for ages and then beckoned me near
Laying his hand on my head he said “Love, child, love is why you are here.”
The fog lifted and the light shone through, I smiled and bade him adieu;
And set out to spread the message of love to all, starting on a life anew.   

A heart’s folly....
Oh, this foolish little heart of mine,
Hungry for the love of a deserter;
Craves the touch of the cold one;
Who has nothing in him to spare!

I try to tempt this errant traitor,
And lure it to other pleasures;
But all it can hear deep within,
Are his treacherous whispers!

At times it makes merry and smiles,
I will sigh with relief that it is past;
But alas! The clouds come down again,
And brings the rain of tears at last!
Lovely will be the dawn when I can;
Leave all his memories behind.
Lovely will be the morn when I will;
Wake up without his thoughts in my mind.

Tonight I will cry....

I will shed copious tears, it will be a funeral tonight;
A blazing pyre of the accident called life;
I will wet my pillow; carefully recollecting past strifes.
But it will be the last time.... for I am bidding goodbye.

I might howl at the moon and cry out to the sky,
I might beat my chest and raise a big hue and cry.
Anything seems possible, its such a maddening night
Thoughts of soul-wrenching sobs brings out a strange delight.

I will lie eagerly in my bed; awaiting the lights to be go out,
When shrouded by darkness, i will  gather all my wounds;
I will bring forth the memories which are most painful;
And the tears will rush out and pour down, tearing my soul.  

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Surviving an affair...

When one indulges in an affair and thus breaks the trust and faith built laboriously over the years, is there really a chance that a marriage or relationship can work out? 

The answer depends on how far a couple is willing to go to forgive and forget and also how important the relationship was, in the first place. Infidelity is a very sensitive topic but unfortunately a very common one, if surveys conducted across various part of the world are to be believed. According to these surveys, 65% married/committed men cheat and 55 % women go astray. So the question of whether a relationship is going to work out after an affair remains a very relative question. 

In cases where the couple wants to work things out, they need to be levelheaded about all the consequences and resulting actions. Things will obviously not run smooth in the beginning but with time and effort, it can be worked out.

For the person who has been cheated, the first feeling is of pain and then anger. But when the pain and the anger wears off and the person can start thinking rationally again, the things that are needed to be reflected upon are the importance of the relationship in one's life. What are the factors or circumstances which led to the affair? Is it a one-time occurrence or has this happened before? If kids are involved, it becomes even more complicated and things need to be looked at from their perspective as well. Also one needs to keep in mind that a human being is after all not perfect, but a new start should not be taken as a license to digress gain. Only after analyzing all these facts should the decision of either ending or salvaging the relationship should be taken.

For the person who enters into an illicit relationship, all that one is interested in, is the feeling of excitement and the adrenaline rush one feels when one lies and cheats. But once the feeling fades away, the only emotions left are shame and guilt. Even if the person is repentant and wants a second chance, one should be prepared to walk on a tight rope. The entire relationship needs to be re-built on trust and love and one should be ready for the fact that even though he might be forgiven but the incident has hardly been forgotten. The relationship has passed a delicate test and needs nurturing and care and the other person in the equation will always be wondering if you have gone astray again. But then, that is very natural, trust is something which needs to be owned and cannot be demanded.      

It requires a lot of time, patience and understanding from both the parties but before making any concrete decisions about the future all the pros and cons need to be weighed and after everything the question you need to ask yourself is, "Is it worth it?"
A Young Couple Holding Hands In The Sunset

Thursday, April 10, 2014

You can stop your divorce...if you want to!!


In the recent times, the divorce rate in a year goes much higher than the marriage rates and this ratio is definitely nothing to be proud of. Relationship experts and marriage therapists provide different reasons for this rapidly increasing demise of the institution of marriage and it gives rise to doubts in one’s mind about the sanctity of the relationship in the first place. The vows that one takes during the ceremony become so trivial that they are forgotten in a moment’s time. Is it time that we completely give up hopes on the durability of the union called marriage; or is there still something to hope for, in the future? 

These days, people are getting married and getting separated on the same day and sometimes within a few hours. Psychologists are attributing these sudden whims of the human race to low feelings of security, more independence among women and a general sense of dissatisfaction with life. No matter what the reason, the process of getting married just to get divorced seems to be an utter waste of our time, money as well as morality. Isn't it time that we give some thought to the idea of avoiding the divorce word instead of uttering it every time we have an issue in our marriages? Maybe it is time to give a hard, long look at the amalgamation of two people and why it is important to rethink our values about marriage.

Divorce can probably be avoided to a large extent if people examine their readiness about marriage first. Marriage does not only mean eternal love and happily ever after. It has a lot to do with understanding and compromises. Before giving a lifetime commitment, we should first examine if we are ready for it. Before we go ahead and take the plunge into the world of matrimony, maybe we need to ask ourselves this question, “Are we ready yet?” Because matrimony is not only an exchange of vows or two signatures in a few sheet of papers but a union of two souls, two set of ideas and two different entities. Till the time we consider ourselves ready to understand the concept of taking responsibility to uphold the sacredness of the relationship called marriage, we do not have the right to tie ourselves to the institution just for the heck of it.

Divorces happen for numerous reasons; ranging from incompatibility, infidelity, marital abuse, ego issues etc., among others. Whatever the reason might be, have you really, with an open heart considered the idea of making it work, even once, before uttering the divorce word? Is the idea of living with the person whom you chose to be your partner out of your free will, so incomprehensible that you cannot put aside the idea of living with him/her anymore? Maybe, you could give some thought to the fact that both of you are humans, with feet of clay and everyone tends to make mistakes. Instead of letting your ego make your decisions, maybe you could think about other options rather than taking the path of separation?

Many experts attribute the fact that women have become financially and morally independent to a lot of ego issues which ultimately lead to divorce. We hate men for acting superior and bossy and yet we tend to portray the same qualities in a relationship. Instead of letting our pride dictate the terms in our relationship and fighting over petty issues of finances and superiority, maybe we can learn to just let go and enjoy the glory of being with someone we love and can share our life with? No one is asking the women to be doormats, just malleable and open to understanding. After all, it is not fair to expect the men to be caring and at the next breath demand equality.

When love dies only indifference remains; and that is definitely no basis for a relationship. But if you have any feelings remaining in your heart for your spouse, even if it is hatred; that means that there is a vestige of love still present. Try keeping yourself in the same situation before putting the final nail of judgment into the coffin. The decision which you both are going to make is going to affect a lot of other people as well, especially if children are present. 

And try to remember the things which made you fall in love in the first place, are they all gone now? So it is prudent to weigh all the pros and cons once. It is easy to label a person as a sinner and equally difficult to forgive a person but we should remember that, we are, after all humans, with the tendency to make mistakes.   

Taking a rash decision in anger is easy and equally hurtful. And after acting upon your words, it is difficult for your ego to let you retract them and a relationship which had a chance of being salvaged will no longer be. Even if you want to go back at a later point of time, your pride will not let you do so. But everything is not lost even if you have hurled abuses at each other, as long as you are willing to forgive and forget and make things work again. Counseling can work wonders for your relationship and might give you a lot of insight into your marriage, which you otherwise did not have. You will also need a support network from friends and relatives and someone who is not judgmental of your failures. Getting a third party perspective on the relationship will give you a lot of leverage when you are making your decision.

As they say, “prevention is better than cure”, likewise, for marriage a little preparation and thought goes a long way in saving the relationship at a later stage. We might consider it pessimistic to go with such kind of a negative assumption of the worst, but it is actually a realistic point of view and can save a lot of pain and heartache in future.