Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Heart break


                                                                "Heart, We'll forget him,
                                                                 You and I, tonight!
                                                                You must forget the warmth he gave,
                                                                I'll forget the light." 
                                                                by Emily Dickinson

 You never dream that it can happen to you, that your heart can also break into a thousand little pieces. You would think these dramatics are reserved for the movies and for the insides of a romance novel. But then it happens to you; and all you can feel is the intense pain ripping your insides out. You want to hide in the darkest corner and just weep till you feel that the pain has gone. Till you feel that you are free from the clutches of the demon which keeps tearing you apart.

But pain is a big deceiver, it will lie in wait for you and the moment you think that you are finally out of it, there will be a sudden memory which will bring a fresh bout of pain, one that will be worse than the first. It will feel like a conspiracy against you, carefully planned by the universe. There will be your favorite music playing when you switch on the radio, the movie channels won’t have anything except soppy romantic flicks, one which always ends with happily ever after. A sudden laughter or a subtle scent can be powerful enough to bring the memories crashing down upon you and the only refuge you seem to find is in tears. The pain comes in waves and you shiver at the intensity of it, never having faced such heart wrenching anguish before.

When you separate from the person you have been in love with for ages, you feel that a limb has been torn out of your body and there is no way that you can function again. Everything loses its meaning; the only thing that matters is your pain. It’s like staying inside a cocoon, jealously guarding your misery so that nobody can take it away from you. Yes, there seems to be a bittersweet pleasure in the pain of suffering as well. Maybe it is the fact that we have become the center of our own universe for some temporary period and we revel in the glory of it.

The pain will seem so profound and permanent that you will feel like there is no way to recover from your pathos. It will feel like the end has come, in fact it will feel like the end is much better. The contemplation of a future without your loved one would feel impossible, after all what meaning is left in your life without your lover?

But no matter what we feel at the moment, there is a dawn which comes after each black night and there will be a day when the memories of the pain will recede to some unknown corners of our mind from where it will only transmit some dim rays. It might seem like the end of the world today but tomorrow will be a different story, maybe it will be better, maybe it will be worse, no one knows. But the fact that there is hope; is enough. Pain and pleasure, after all; are both transient. Neither remains forever and life goes on for everyone.

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