Surviving an affair...

When one indulges in an affair and thus breaks the trust and faith built laboriously over the years, is there really a chance that a marriage or relationship can work out? 

The answer depends on how far a couple is willing to go to forgive and forget and also how important the relationship was, in the first place. Infidelity is a very sensitive topic but unfortunately a very common one, if surveys conducted across various part of the world are to be believed. According to these surveys, 65% married/committed men cheat and 55 % women go astray. So the question of whether a relationship is going to work out after an affair remains a very relative question. 

In cases where the couple wants to work things out, they need to be levelheaded about all the consequences and resulting actions. Things will obviously not run smooth in the beginning but with time and effort, it can be worked out.

For the person who has been cheated, the first feeling is of pain and then anger. But when the pain and the anger wears off and the person can start thinking rationally again, the things that are needed to be reflected upon are the importance of the relationship in one's life. What are the factors or circumstances which led to the affair? Is it a one-time occurrence or has this happened before? If kids are involved, it becomes even more complicated and things need to be looked at from their perspective as well. Also one needs to keep in mind that a human being is after all not perfect, but a new start should not be taken as a license to digress gain. Only after analyzing all these facts should the decision of either ending or salvaging the relationship should be taken.

For the person who enters into an illicit relationship, all that one is interested in, is the feeling of excitement and the adrenaline rush one feels when one lies and cheats. But once the feeling fades away, the only emotions left are shame and guilt. Even if the person is repentant and wants a second chance, one should be prepared to walk on a tight rope. The entire relationship needs to be re-built on trust and love and one should be ready for the fact that even though he might be forgiven but the incident has hardly been forgotten. The relationship has passed a delicate test and needs nurturing and care and the other person in the equation will always be wondering if you have gone astray again. But then, that is very natural, trust is something which needs to be owned and cannot be demanded.      

It requires a lot of time, patience and understanding from both the parties but before making any concrete decisions about the future all the pros and cons need to be weighed and after everything the question you need to ask yourself is, "Is it worth it?"