Tuesday, June 10, 2014

5 downsides of avoiding conflict

It is quite inevitable to have conflicts and clashes in a relationship. Although at such moments of conflict we might feel that we are the only ones to have so many issues; but in reality it is fairly usual to have disagreements and arguments in all kind of relationships. After all, we are two different set of minds and there are bound to be differences of opinion. And it doesn't mean that there is something wrong in our relationship, in fact it is quite healthy and can prove as an opportunity for growth for both the partners.

But it is understandably difficult to sometimes handle such situations and one might feel that avoidance is the best course of action. At times, we feel that the best way to handle a conflict is to avoid or ignore it altogether. Although we might feel that avoiding the situation will resolve it on its own, but on the contrary it has the tendency of developing into a much bigger problem. And when that happens, we might find that it is even more difficult to handle the problem. There are many downsides to avoiding conflict and a myriad of problems might occur as a result of such avoidance. Here are a few things we should consider before we decide evading is the best way to resolve relationship issues.

It builds resentments: If we don’t face the issues cropping up in our relationship in a calm and steady manner, they have a way of building into bigger problems. Avoiding the issues might provide us with temporary relief but at the same time it is developing into a much bigger predicament. Not handling conflicts then and there will help the resentment to build up inside us and our partner and what could have been resolved might now become a more irksome disparagement.

It fosters anger and hurt: By avoiding conflict we are giving way for anger and hurt to build up inside our partner’s heart. We will be increasing their feelings of anger to even greater degree and the fact that we are not even bothered to tackle the issues will hurt our partner more. We might be justified in thinking that it is better to avoid the issue at hand when we are in a foul temper, but not coming back to it as soon as possible will show that we are not bothered about our relationship. It is much better to handle the conflict responsibly and maturely instead of waiting for a miracle to happen.

It might snowball into a fight: If we avoid facing the issue at hand, then what could have been resolved without any argument might later develop into a full-blown fight. Avoiding conflicts gives the other person more time and ammunition to think negative thoughts and build their bitterness to boiling levels. They will start resenting us more than before and when the time comes, their attitude is no longer calm or understanding. At this juncture, when we go to handle the conflict, we might find that the situation has blown out of proportion and we now have a full-blown fight in our hands. So, it is much better to address the problems in a healthy way.

It will harm our personality: 

Running away from issues and arguments will not only harm our relationship but at the same time will bring negative effects to our personality as well. We will soon become an expert at avoiding conflicts and this will not help us when we are forced to face the issues at hand. We will also start building a lot of pent up emotions inside us; as a result of not letting them out when we had the opportunity and this will alter our temperament drastically. An emotionally unstable mind could prove to be extremely harmful in all spheres of our life.

It embitters the relationship: Avoiding issues and conflicts when our partner wants to discuss them will make them feel bitter towards us and our attitude. This will in turn harm the relationship and what we have built so laboriously could be jeopardized because of one mistake. There could be a time when it has become so damaging to the relationship that there are no chances of re-building it. So, it is better to tackle the conflict right away, instead of taking a chance which ruins our relationship in the long run.

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